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Jesse James, threesomes, and trains….with a side of jam

On this day in 1873, the outlaw Jesse James carried out America’s first train robbery.  Did this event prompt my love of trains and how enticing I find them to be? Did I find the image of bad boys smelling like sweat and leather with a craving for cash and a disregard for the law too hard to resist? Those qualities are the perfect combination of Dynasty era Joan Collins and the hairy leather daddies in the classic western themed porn ‘To the Last Man’.  Trains ooze sex – the steam rising from the engine as filthy men in charming tank tops shovel coal, feeding the engine as the locomotive churns onward and onward across the landscape. Hitchcock uses an image of a train entering a tunnel as a metaphor for Cary Grant entering the luminous Eva Marie Saint at the end of ‘North by Northwest’. Trains naturally remind me of a threesome I had with two gentlemen in a very cute and stylishly decorated Cape Cod. They greeted me at the door with only bathroom towels wrapped around their waists. I took to them instantly as I, too, am a task oriented individual. In their bedroom, they had an assortment of lubes and condoms in a bowl very much like those small samples jellies and jams they have in restaurants. I suddenly had an intense craving for biscuits. The three of us rode each other onward and onward for the better part of the evening culminating in double penetration as one of the gentlemen managed to take two riders in his train. I felt a little like Jesse James that evening – sweaty, slightly debauched, and the scent of the leather riding crop lingered faintly in the air. I always regret not having stolen that lovely vase on their dining room table. Or did I?

Nothing is better on toast, biscuits, or nipples than delicious jam. I recommend Ruby’s Hill Jam – the grilled pineapple is revelatory.

http://rubyshilljam.com/store/

And to go with those nipples and jam, no film is better than the train-laden Hitchcock classic

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