Champagne, Balls, World War I, and Lady Gaga

August 4 is a day that has truly seen the best of times and the worst of times. On this date in history in 1693, Dom Perignon first produced champagne; in 1914, Britain declared war on Germany initiating the catastrophic fuck up we call World War I. History is replete with such instances frequently going from the sublime to the ridiculous. I prefer to drink champagne while going from the clothed to the naked which brings me to K. We spent one memorable New Years Eve together, while watching Lady Gaga perform ‘Just Dance’. She was just on the cusp of her superstardom and we were on the cusp of sobriety. I removed K’s pants; he was not wearing underwear. He was very thoughtful in that regard. We began making out as Lady Gaga was ending her set. The ball in Times Square dropped just as K’s balls dropped into my mouth. We moved on to the bedroom where we rung in the New Year with more bubbly and blowjobs. I realized from this experience that champagne should not be reserved for battleships and weddings. We should embrace it frequently. It is a most flirtatious elixir – it’s bubbles tickling our nose and tongue and the dramatic ‘pop’ it makes when you open a bottle. Any beverage that announces its presence with such flair deserves better than we currently give it. As we reflect on both the birth of champagne and of war, let us go forth, bottles on hand, willing to drink more champagne and suck more dick resolutely with our heads held high and our knees bent low.


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