Franz Joseph, the end of the Hapsburgs, and the soldier who likes salsa music

Franz Joseph I was born on this date in 1830 and ruled over the Dual Monarchy of Austria-Hungary for nearly 68 years. During his long reign, the Empire went into a slow descent from which it never recovered; the final collapse came in 1918 as World War I reached its denouement. The House of Hapsburg – one of Europe’s most illustrious and powerful – vanished from the scene. Since that time, the Balkans have been tormented by violence and tragedy. This is what happens when an authority figure leaves the scene – just like an orgy without a dom top to direct traffic. The next thing you know there are elbows flying into eye sockets and in the poor case of the Balkans, endless violence and destruction. Franz Joseph was a devoted military man and although his armies suffered many defeats during his reign, he always considered himself to be a simple soldier which leads me to B, another simple soldier I met up with one spring evening. He loved salsa music and we undressed and danced around his suburban apartment will wild abandon while doing tequila shots. We poured Sprite into the shot, slammed it on the table and downed it. After a few of these and one memorable shot I licked off his chest, the heat of the tequila, the sweetness of the soda, and the saltiness of B’s chest made a near perfect flavor combination, B slammed me on the dining room table to the soothing beats of the Buena Vista Social Club. We parted after a quick post-coital shower and another dance around the living room. Austria-Hungary may not have survived into the modern world but tequila and anal sex are eternal.

Before, after, or during sex with a military man, tequila shots are the only way to go. Pour tequila into glass, top with Sprite, slam on table and swallow. Additional slamming and swallowing are certain to follow.

Franz Joseph I of Austria 1855

Franz Joseph I of Austria 1855 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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