Tolstoy’s birthday, smooth balls, and a woman named Anna

This has been a weekend for birthdays – Star Trek yesterday and today, Leo Tolstoy, who was born on this date in 1828. I love Russian literature as much as hung black men so today is a special date. Tolstoy captured not only the Russian spirit but the human spirit. His characters may have lived in the 19th century but their problems with money, men, religion, politics, and trying to find good help make them timeless.  G was a fellow fan of Russian culture. We discussed how modern the character of Anna Karenina was in attempting to balance personal happiness, motherhood, and furs. Tolstoy’s depiction of Napoleon’s epic retreat back to France, after the Russians burned Moscow to the ground before giving it to him, is vivid and heartbreaking. Fortunately, G’s retreat with me to the bedroom while quite fiery resulted in a much happier conclusion. I licked his furry chest and nipples before descending to his dick and quite significantly sized balls. They were almost perfectly round and reminded me of those specially crafted ice cubes one encounters in hip hotel bars. I was as entranced by his globes as Anna was with Count Vronsky. They were smooth and he quivered each time I nuzzled against them. He gladly returned the favor cementing an evening both intellectually and sexually stimulating.

The last passage of Anna Karenina is one I turn to often – the eloquence, like its author is truly timeless.

‘I shall still be as unable to understand with my reason why I pray, and I shall still go on praying; but my life now, my whole life apart from anything that can happen to me, every minute of it is no more meaningless, as it was before, but it has the positive meaning of goodness, which I have the power to put into it.’

To accompany large smooth balls or Russian literature, one simply has to have vodka. The initial jolt followed by the warm sensations as the liquid makes its way down the throat is Russia itself – mysterious, intimidating, and glorious

Cover of "Anna Karenina (Signet Classics)...

Cover of Anna Karenina (Signet Classics)


Star Trek’s birthday, geek sex, and healthy granola

‘The Man Trap’ is not my yet to be released how-to guide but rather the first broadcast episode of Star Trek which aired on this date in 1966. The world has not been the same since. In that first episode, a salt vampire terrorizes the crew of the USS Enterprise as Kirk, Spock, and McCoy race to save the day. This trinity – the logic of Spock, the emotion of McCoy, and the action of Kirk – formed the heart and soul of Star Trek. They, along with Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov would solve any problem, tackle any challenge, and never give in to a no win scenario. B was a fellow Trekkie from Chicago, a beefy, hairy slab of geekaliciousness with biceps and a dick as big as the Mutara Nebula. We met one very cold winter’s night and discussed our love of Captain Kirk, The Next Generation and before you could say engage, we had lowered our shields, erected a containment beam and my warp drive was thrusting forward into his milky way. We soon parted and B resumed his own trek home to Chicago – we were safe in knowing the universe was safe from horniness for one more day.

After sex with a fellow Starfleet Officer, I like to make a healthy granola to recharge my Dilithium crystals and make ready for my next adventure. Take two cups of rolled oats, 1/4 cup of apple juice, and one tbsp of honey. Combine together until oats are coated (be careful to not oversaturate). Spread evenly on a cookie sheet and bake at 300 degrees for 20 minutes on each side. When finished baking, add nuts, seeds, or dried fruit. Live long and Prosper!

Kirk with Spock's "mirror" counterpa...

Kirk with Spock’s “mirror” counterpart, From the Star Trek episode “Mirror, Mirror”. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Happy Friday Haiku

Watch college football

Tight ends and wide receivers

Orgy anyone?

His name was Carlos and our two month anniversary!

To honor Eating&Forking’s two month anniversary, we are dipping our toes into a little nostalgia and paying a visit to the man who started it all – Carlos, the uncut Latino stud from our very first post. Here’s to many more anniversaries and men to come! Carlos, text me.

When I saw his text asking if he could come over, I responded without hesitation. Yes, come at once. We undressed quickly without speaking. Pleasantries are a luxury for cooler weather and not when the thermometer is only one many throbbing instruments. He asked me in his charming broken English if he could fuck me. His skin was warm and fragrant like sugar just when it caramelizes. The initial thrust was jolting – tequila without a chaser. His subsequent ones were hurried and desperate. I imagined him coming into his sexual prowess by encounters in deserted alleys and in the backs of Mustangs. After we finished, he left without a goodbye or a thank you. I looked down at the messy sheets and at my disheveled reflection in the mirror. Is this what it feels like to be a slut? If so, it felt good. It felt real good.

After anal sex, I like to enjoy a refreshing pudding eclair. Prepare one box of French vanilla pudding following the instructions. Fold in Cool Whip. Make sure the CW is not frozen to ensure it incorporates easily into the pudding. In a larger bowl, pour one layer of the pudding mixture, top with one level of graham crackers, and repeat until there is no more mixture. Once the pudding has chilled for at least three hours in the refrigerator, top with chocolate icing and enjoy.

Monday Phrase of the Week


BACON –  An adjective used to describe an exceptionally skilled top who posses a meaty dick and penetrates you with precision thrusts and crisp fucking. Carlos fucked me so good he was bacon. The next time you want a top, ask him if he is crisp – like bacon. Breakfast anyone?

Gridiron action, scoring a touchdown and ham and cheese sandwiches

Football season starts this weekend – finally! The long wait between the end of March Madness and the start of gridiron action is over. I will have more to watch than XTube on my iPad and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine on Netflix. The sight of those muscular, sweaty bodies amped up on testosterone bashing into each other, their asses as firm as unripe avocados and biceps the size of a Christmas ham sends me into quite a frenzy. Football stirs something base and visceral in me – my gay cavemen ancestors must have beat each other up before making all those charming cave paintings. T was a former college football player. He had broad shoulders, smooth tan skin, shaggy blonde hair, and a fat dick coddled in nest of blonde pubic hair. He attended a small private college and not a Division I powerhouse but his gridiron tasted no less sweet. We both scored that afternoon as we took turns fucking each other  – and that’s good for another first down!

Like anal sex, tailgating is a long-standing football tradition. I like to kick my appetizers up a notch and make my version of ham and cheese sandwiches for adults. Purchase party bread (the mini-loaf of bread usually found in the deli section of the grocery) and layer in slices of prosciutto, thin slices of smoked gouda, a slice of green apple, and a dollop of spicy mustard. Your guests will appreciate the break from chicken wings.

And one final note – go CARDS!

Hung literati, Tolstoy, and vodka

Dane shared my love of Tolstoy and oral sex. I affectionately called him Great Dane because his penis was as long and thick as War and Peace. He was that perfect combination of well-educated and well endowed. He remarked that War and Peace was daunting but he dove in and loved it. I felt the same way about his dick. As I was going down on him, I imagined I was the Grande Armee of Napoleon marching across the vast steppe of Russia – my only goal conquest and glory. His stamina was great and like the fierce resistance put up by the Russians at the Battle of Borodino, Great Dane held out. I made flanking movement to his balls, ass, and nipples; he was outgunned and outtongued. His surrender was, however,  temporary; he lived to fight another day and our battles kept me occupied most of that hot steamy summer.

After lengthy oral sex with a fan of Russian literature, I need to relax with a refreshing cocktail. I take one part Grey Goose pear (it has to be vodka after all) and one part Simply Lemonade and shake vigorously. Add a dash of  diet Sprite for carbonation and stir. Hefty novels or hefty penises – this is something we can all drink to.

The Battle of Borodino as depicted by Louis Le...

The Battle of Borodino as depicted by Louis Lejeune. The battle was the largest and bloodiest single-day action of the Napoleonic Wars. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Happy Friday Haiku

English: Logo from the television program The ...

English: Logo from the television program The Big Bang Theory (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I lost track of time

Fingering his hairy hole

Missed Big Bang Theory

Ingrid Bergman, South America men, and eating it with your fingers

Stretching seconds to minutes: one long kiss b...

Stretching seconds to minutes: one long kiss broken into a string of short ones beat the ban on kisses over three seconds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’ll always have Paris and thanks to movie magic,  we’ll always have Ingrid Bergman born on this date in 1915. Watching her onscreen makes me feel like I’ve had three glasses of champagne even though I am sober. She – and her movies – from the immortal Casablanca to the Hitchcock thriller Notorious are intoxicating. In Notorious, she is recruited by Cary Grant to spy on Nazis in Argentina. She falls in love with Grant’s character and memorably tells him that she has prepard him dinner ‘and he’s going to eat it with his fingers.’ They have the best sex of their lives but he needs her to sleep with another man to gain his evil secrets. Champagne plays a major role in the film’s most suspenseful sequence and I can think of no better way to celebrate Ingrid’s birthday than with a bottle of champagne and Notorious. To add both atmosphere and authenticity, I recommend watching it with a South American so you to can have something to eat with your fingers.

Monday phrase of the week

 TYSO – Take Your Shirt Off

TYSO (Take Your Shirt Off) – a handy acronym when one encounter’s someone they would like to see shirtless and can be used virtually anywhere from parks to athletic events to movies and shopping malls. A TYSO can pop anywhere so it is best to be prepared. TYSO also fits neatly into an improv rap lyric if one would find oneself going freestyle. ‘You be the tractor/I’ll be the hoe/Come on over here and let’s TYSO’.

A few men who I enjoy TYSO style – Rugby star Ben Cohen,  America’s sweetheart Danell Leyva and Tyson Beckford. Tyson, call me.