Gridiron action, scoring a touchdown and ham and cheese sandwiches

Football season starts this weekend – finally! The long wait between the end of March Madness and the start of gridiron action is over. I will have more to watch than XTube on my iPad and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine on Netflix. The sight of those muscular, sweaty bodies amped up on testosterone bashing into each other, their asses as firm as unripe avocados and biceps the size of a Christmas ham sends me into quite a frenzy. Football stirs something base and visceral in me – my gay cavemen ancestors must have beat each other up before making all those charming cave paintings. T was a former college football player. He had broad shoulders, smooth tan skin, shaggy blonde hair, and a fat dick coddled in nest of blonde pubic hair. He attended a small private college and not a Division I powerhouse but his gridiron tasted no less sweet. We both scored that afternoon as we took turns fucking each other  – and that’s good for another first down!

Like anal sex, tailgating is a long-standing football tradition. I like to kick my appetizers up a notch and make my version of ham and cheese sandwiches for adults. Purchase party bread (the mini-loaf of bread usually found in the deli section of the grocery) and layer in slices of prosciutto, thin slices of smoked gouda, a slice of green apple, and a dollop of spicy mustard. Your guests will appreciate the break from chicken wings.

And one final note – go CARDS!

The lost jacket, what not to say during sex, and the best cookie ever

Today a cautionary tale – when fucking R from behind on the edge of his bed, he, for reasons quite unknown (unless idle hands really are the devil’s playthings), picks up his cat who was apparently snoozing beside the bed, lifts the poor creature above his head and declares – while I am deep inside him –  ‘this is my other pussy’. I then came eye to eye with a bemused and very disapproving Pussy; there was judgment in those feline eyes. Pussy knew I was a slut and I knew he knew it. We are taught from an early age that words matter. They can inspire, seduce, amuse, wound, or in this case severely hinder an erection. I had to resort to my go to fantasy of being a locker room towel for a South American soccer team to maintain my rhythm. I breathed deep and tried in vain to shake Pussy’s expression from my mind. Pussy was by this time back under the bed and purring loudly like a food processor. He was intentionally trying to distract me; he was a worthy adversary this Pussy.  After intense focus and meditation, success was achieved and I bolted. In my haste to leave both Pussys, I forgot my favorite early autumn black jacket. It was suitable to wear to dinner or a hook up. It had accompanied me into many hotel rooms and bars and was like an old friend. I could not bring myself to go back for it so it may still reside in Pussy’s lair. Well played, Pussy. Well played.

After fucking a guy who shows me his pet during sex, I take solace in a simple pleasure – chocolate chip cookies. The most amazing cookie I have ever eaten came from a coffee shop in Louisville Ky called Please and Thank You. Forget everything you know about cookies – this cookie is a culinary revelation.  If you happen to reside in the area or just passing through, don’t miss out in this delectable treat. And don’t talk about cats during sex. Ever.

http://www.pleaseandthankyoulouisville.com/welcome/

Mashed Potatoes, riding crops, and Cossacks…these are a few of my favorite things

The bedroom, like the kitchen, should be outfitted with adequate accessories. One does not bake a Bundt cake in a round pan after all. Today, let’s explore two essential items for each room beginning with the kitchen. I find my potato ricer to be a vital kitchen tool. I cannot tell you the number of times I have whipped up a batch of delicious potatoes all courtesy of my little ricer. For the health conscious, they also make excellent mashed sweet potatoes which for reasons that baffle me are incredibly nutritious in spite of their inherent sweetness. The technique could not be easier either – slice up a few potatoes, boil until they can be pierced with a fork, and mash in the ricer. Add a bit of butter, milk. salt and pepper, give it a good stir, and you’ve got a bowl full of deliciousness. When wooing a guy who likes home cookin’, set a batch of these in front of him and you’re guaranteed a handy j – at a minimum.

And now onto the bedroom…..maybe it is my love of history or my fascination with thoroughbred horse racing or maybe it is simply the romantic in me but I go weak in the knees for a riding crop. The way it feels in my hand, the smell of the leather, how it becomes an extension of my arm when I use it – whatever the reason, my love affair continues undiminished. Perhaps I was a Cossack horseman in a past life, galloping my steed across the vast  steppe of southern Russia, pillaging and accessorizing as I went. The riding crop can be a playful first step for those bringing a little spice into the bedroom or more intense for the S&M leather daddies who walk among us. The slight stinging sensation – warm and ticklish – can be incredibly stimulating during foreplay or fucking. I utilize the tried and true spanking formula of smack, smack, rub, squeeze. Repeat. For myself, I prefer a rough hard smack like I am Secretariat being ridden down the stretch at the Kentucky Derby. So as my Cossack ancestors did in ages past, mount your steed, hold your riding crop high above your head and gallop onward – for hell or glory!